Father Time – Do you approve of digital watch?

 
Off the bat, this post may seem to be on “Which pill did you forgot to take today?” side. Hence a little context, I came across this Ron-Burgundy-Anchorman level A.Q. (That’s Absurd Quotient for the quaint souls among us) post on a Marathi daily site. It reminded me of my childhood days when the entire class had to stop thinking about “Which brand would be better in annihilating the opponent in a Pen Fight?” and had to start by hearting essays like “Is Science Good or Evil?” as dictated by our English teacher who looked like she could use a Pacemaker.

For the Polished “I-am-the-reads-only-Chetan-Bhagat’s-Output” Englishmen who won’t read a Marathi post, I’ll just summarize it in their own language –

Auntyji is in the knowings of girl who has not hears. Auntyji is in a very much likings the not hears girl. She is has lots of the smarts. Her papa and mama is posh people with lots of rupees in them and her sister’s ears are working. But Auntyji is not very much likings the hearing girl. Not hearing girl is very much sanskari and does paylagu with jeans. When Not Hearing Girl is the getting Rahulbaba brain. She wents to Auntyji to get Yogendra Yadav brain. One days her papa getting new phone and Auntyji getting Rahulbaba brain. “How is Not Hearing Girl  uses the phone?” But then her entire pants start vibrating. Not hearing girl takes phone out. And Auntyji getting Yogendra Yadav brain – “She is using SMS”. And Auntyji realising “Not hearing girl is also can read girl”. Auntyji feeling technology is very Shrikhand Puri for persons without diabetes.

But what about persons with diabetes. If they have sweet then they are having to urine all the time. So Auntyji getting Digvijay Singh brain and telling “Hindu Terror Story”. In the storys, Jayesh is taking phone of Nimish to make “Motta Call”. Jayesh is making one call and Nimish getting Arnab Goswami Brain and shouts “I never ever never never ever never never ever give phones to outsiders”. Certain timings later Jayesh is arrested as he was fan of Aamir Khan and played his character in the Fanna. And Auntyji getting Digvijay Singh brain – “Look phone are using by terrorist for making the terror things so phone are very bad”.

And then Auntyji getting Suhel Sheth brains and expressing her very much deeply researched opinion on the Higgs Boson Particle.

 What a talented, inquisitive, imaginative, intelligent piece of literature. It’s a pity that the Marathi Daily discovered the authoress only in her late lateies. If they had found her sooner, the fertile minds around the world would be pursuing 30G instead of 3G; striving to get Auntyji’s approval. They would have quantified her approval ratings in ‘AUNTYS’.

Oh, but the painful reality is such that we cannot go back in time (Or can We? No siree Bob). But what we can do is Play the Game – What Would Aunty Say? Judging the technology around us and ahead of us by Her approval ratings.

1.      Door Bell

Pro - It lets you know when someone is waiting at the door.

Con – A terrorist might ring it and hold you captive.

Aunty Opines – Nuclear Fusion has to be the way forward but only when used for humanitarian purposes.

Rating – 80085 Auntys

2.      Water Heater

Pro – It heats up the water so that you can enjoy a hot bath.

Con – A terrorist might plant a bomb inside the water heater so that when you switch it on. You know, KABOOM.

Aunty Opines – Space Discovery mission have to be supported more to know where we came from.

Rating – 538 Auntys

3.      Motor Car

Pro – It gets you from one place to the other fast.

Con – Something Something Terrorist Use Something.

Aunty Opines – Oooooooo Google Glasses.

Rating – 69696969 Auntys.

4.      Tubelight

Pro – It lights up spaces and let you see things.

Con – Terrorist can make lightsabers out of it and play the “Darth Vader is Luke Skywalkers’s Dad” scene and ruin Star Wars for everybody.

Aunty Opines – Stem Cell research is good……….. doda..doda… Cloning organs can save lives……..ooh.. doda….yeeeeeeeee.

Rating – 455 Auntys.

5.      Table Fan

Pro – Its efficient use of space and you can enjoy a cool breeze as you do your chores.

Con – A child may put his hand through the railing and lose fingers. Get that confused look off your face. The child was going to become an army man and fight terrorist, which he won’t anymore. So terrorists win.

Aunty Opines – Radio waves, though cannot be seen, are real.

Rating – 84115 Auntys

So it is my sincere heartfelt request to all Marathi, Gujarati, Hindi, Telugu, Urdu, English dailies, weeklies, monthlies, yearlies to republish all of auntyji’s and other like minded individual’s article. So that the scientist people strive to improve technology and not let the terrorists win.

Auntyji The Great. Bharat Mata Ki Jai. Vande Mataram. Stay in school. Just say no to drugs. Jai Hind. Jai Maharashtra. Jai Higgs Boson Particle. Not So Jai Hindu Terrorist. Very Much Jai Smart Vibrating Pants Not Hearing Girl.